Medium Dreams

Book Review: We Are Their Heaven

by Sheila on December 20th, 2006

I drafted this about a hundred years ago. Why didn’t I post it? The truth is I finished it just about the time I received my invitation to visit the set of Medium and I didn’t want to piss off anybody at the studio who might read my blog before the visit. That might prove to be awkward. So the delay was purely an ass-covering maneuver. And then I, uh, sort of forgot I wrote it. Here it is now, just in time for Christmas.

Yes, Allison DuBois has written another book. As you know, Allison DuBois is the woman who inspired the TV show Medium we all know and love. As you also know, if you have been paying any attention on this blog whatsoever, I do not believe she can talk to the dead and read people’s minds. I was going to tell you to check out my review of her first book, Don’t Kiss Them Good-Bye, as a refresher on my opinion, but I just reread it myself and realize my opinion is not, in fact, in there.

Ah yes, I remember now. It was the first time I talked about the real Allison DuBois on this blog and I was trying to be objective. She is the namesake of the lead character on the TV show that is THE focus of Medium Dreams, after all. I did not want to offend anyone. But I had read the book, I hated it, and I thought she was full of crap. What’s a girl to do? Stick with the facts, ma’am. Just provide a basic summary of what is in each chapter so people can decide whether or not they want to read it for themselves.

Thank God I am over that nonsense. Here is what I really think. You all wear big girl panties (or big boy boxers or briefs) and are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. If you do not agree with me - and why should you? - you can a) tell me so, b) shun me, or c) feel smug and superior but continue to read me for sheer entertainment value. (I do hope you will tell me. It is so much funner when we talk about these things.)

Tags: allison dubois, book review, medium, medium nbc, we are their heaven

So, on with the review. Let us begin with the title: We Are Their Heaven, Why The Dead Never Leave Us. Okay, euw. Do I really want to believe my dead relatives can see me, and might actually be in the room with me, any time they want? What if I am on the toilet? Or having sex? Or picking my nose and scratching my butt both at the same time? That’s just creepy, people!

The book starts off with a foreword by Allison’s husband, Joe DuBois, who obviously worships her. He tells us Allison made a pact with God when she was young and stranded on a surf board far from shore, being circled by a shark. She promised to do what God wants by helping people so God sent her a current to carry her to shore.

Hm…which is more plausible: shark that had already eaten that day or God’s will? And let us not forget the always available “complete fabrication” option. Joe did not, after all, observe this. He got the story from Allison, who has also described God’s ongoing “indirect acknowledgment and guidance” to him. Since Joe declines to describe it for us, I can only assume God speaks to Allison through Alan Rickman as Metatron while she wears pajamas and holds a big fish.

Allison describes heaven as “a flawless place” with “perfect blades of brilliant emerald grass” along with white skies and blue water. Sounds a lot like Illinois in the summertime. Or virtually anywhere, for that matter. If you are a desert lover or a cold and snow lover, it looks like you will be out of luck in the afterlife. Sorry.

If it’s so gosh darn fabulous over there, why do the dead hang around here? Because they want to share in our emotion and help teach us what we need to learn, so says Allison. “We are their heaven,” until such time that all of their loved ones join them on the other side.

How does that work, exactly? Is haunting the living like a day job, and heaven is like going home at night? So when you have no one left alive to “teach,” you can stay at home in heaven all day even though some of your loved ones may still be heading off to the old haunting salt mines? It does not sound like “crossing over” is a very permanent thing, if you can keep coming back for visits.

Allison asked several people she “read” for to write about the experience, then she presented the same experience from her perspective. Some highlights:

• A woman describes not believing in life after death as “personal hang-ups about the afterlife.” How can you have a hang-up about something you don’t believe in?
  
• Allison tells a couple their dead son is making contact with them by calling on the phone. The woman says she received an untraceable text message from their son three days after he died. Allison tells them the son confirms the call was indeed from him. Riiiiight.

  
  Nine months later, the woman’s father dies and she receives another untraceable text message supposedly from her son. I am beginning to wonder what their definition of “untraceable” is. I am guessing they did not consult an expert. If they think the message is from their dead son and they want it to be from their dead son, how much effort are they going to make to disprove it?

  More signs this couple interpret as their son contacting them: lights flickering when they are eating his favorite food and wild animals running up to them and making eye contact when they are eating his favorite food in the backyard. Oh please! If the dead really hang around to teach us what we need to know, what do the scampering wildlife mean?
  

• Allison is so busy it takes three months to get in to see her. Coincidentally, that is exactly how long it takes to get in to see Laurie Campbell, Allison’s friend and fellow research medium at the University of Arizona.

All in all, I am glad I read this book. It helped me solidify some wispy thoughts that had been floating around in my subconscious. The big one: Allison DuBois is an excellent grief counselor. She helps the grieving deal with the death of their loved one and start to feel good again. She tells them to get on with their lives and experience joy because that is what the dead want for them. That is a positive thing.

What I have trouble with is that she charges people money to convey messages she says are from their dead loved ones. Sure, licensed therapists charge money for their counseling, but they have years of education and training to back up their methodologies. The human psyche is a delicate thing and not to be trifled with. What does Allison bring to the table? Her unproven claim that she talks to dead people.

In addition to being a medium, Allison describes herself as a profiler. Criminal profiling is the study of the abnormal psyche of the criminal. Is that what she means? Is she talking about her work with police? Or is she talking about psychological profiling in general? Regardless, it makes me think about the way she handles her readings. Her clients have to wait months to see her. When the day finally arrives, Allison greets them with a notepad filled with notes. She claims the information came from the “discarnate,” the incorporeal spirit of the sitter’s loved one. It could just as easily, and more believably, have come from Allison doing research during the three months she makes them wait for their reading.

Research medium. A medium who does research. I wonder…

CHAPTER HIGHLIGHTS

Chapter 1 - Here Again

• Allison attends a grief support group.

Chapter 2 - Out of Sight, Not Gone

• Monogamy is not the big deal in the afterlife that it is here. Your energy is emotionally based and you will be where your heart truly wants to reside, even if that is with more than one person. So do not worry about which man or woman you loved in life will be with you after you have all passed away. So says Allison.
• Allison relates how she helped a woman who lost her loved one in the 9/11 tragedy.
• Allison relates how she helped someone with a Hurricane Katrina connection. My she has the recent big American tragedies covered, doesn’t she?
• Allison relates how she helped a woman whose therapist recommended she see Allison. Trying to legitimize herself by reference? And I have to wonder about the therapists credentials if she is recommending her patients consult a medium.

Chapter 3 - Medium

Allison on her husband Joe:

• “My husband, Joe, is a brilliant aerospace engineer who has recently retired for obvious reasons.” What is so obvious? She makes so much dough bilking innocent people out of their hard-earned money he no longer has to work?
• Allison relates how she never lets Joe surprise her. She never fakes being surprised just to make him happy, like they had the TV Allison do in “A Couple Of Choices” (MED-003), the episode where Joe surprised her with a trip to Mexico for her birthday. Nope, the real Allison lets the real Joe know that she knows what the surprise is every single time. And she is proud to say so.
• Allison describes Joe as physically lacking in comparison to Jake Weber, who plays him on TV. Why? Why would she do that? My god this woman is heartless. I would feel sorry for Joe DuBois, but I am too busy thinking he is an idiot for staying with her.

Allison on working with the police:

• Allison provides the names of two law enforcement officers who she has worked with, ostensibly because they have already said so in public so she is not outing them as psychic-friendly.
• She then claims she does not give out names “to make sure these fine people aren’t harassed by skeptics with too much time on their hands.” Not because she has no names to give out because she has never really been helpful to a police investigation. No.

Allison on other aspects of her life as portrayed on Medium:

• She does have a brother who was in the military and who has psychic abilities.
• She did “work a case” with her oldest daughter but says it is okay because her daughter does not see grim details. She is young and has no reference in her head for those things.
• She does see Joe’s dead dad all the time and did have a mother-in-law experience similar to that portrayed in “In The Rough” (MED-014).

Chapter 4 - Living With Gifts

Allison on intuitive gifts:

• “We can listen to those who need to talk and mix in a little of our intuition with good advice for a person who needs a friend.”
• “..sharing is only helpful when it’s welcome.”

Allison predicted she would lose all three of her grandmothers within twelve months of each other. Gran #1 died Oct 2004. Gran #2 died Dec 2004. She does not mention the fate of gran #3 but the book came out in 2006. The twelve month window was up Dec 2005. Is gran #3 still alive or what? And why doesn’t she say?

Chapter 5 - Somebody’s Baby

Allison on living well:

• If you live well, you die well. Leaving behind wounded people is bad because you cannot fix those relationships after you die. Not because you are dead and it is over. No. Leaving behind wounded people is bad because they will not want your help after you die.

Allison on family:

• Neither Allison nor fellow psychic Laurie Campbell can see their own father when they die because they cannot see things about their own life or people who are close to them. So they read for each other to make contact. Allison tells Laurie her dad says he had to go “to keep Laurie’s kids here.” One of her kids needs a heart and eventually gets one, after passing on one that both Allison and Laurie “had a bad feeling about.” He comes through the procedure fine, which Allison says shows Laurie’s dad “did keep him here and watched over him.” Or it could show a giant green invisible tadpole was watching over the boy and keeping him safe, but we will never really know, will we?
• Allison tells us she “saw” that Joe was going to get into a car accident. Yet she just told us she cannot see things about people who are close to her. Which is it, please?

Allison on the Emmy’s September 2005:

• Allison takes it as a sign that her father is with her because no one sits in the seat next to her. “Even the seat fillers…wouldn’t sit there.” From what I know about awards shows, seats are assigned. Whoever that seat was meant for obviously did not show. And if the seat fillers did not sit there, the seat must not have been on camera. The seat filler’s job is to fill seats that show up on camera so it always looks like a full house to the TV viewing audience. Why didn’t she just tell us she had crap seats at the Emmy’s? Because it makes a much better story to say your dead father was sitting in the chair next to you and link in a bunch of useless trivia about the night to “prove” it.
• When Patricia Arquette won the emmy, she graciously thanked Allison at the after party. Allison’s response? “You’re welcome,” claiming she “was out of pithy responses.” Pithy = meaningful. How hard would it have been to say, “Thank YOU for making me famous” or “You are an exceptional actress and so deserving of this award, which has absolutely nothing to do with me.”

Allison cries murder:

• Allison reads for Eileen, whose father died when she was a baby some 34 years earlier. The police called it suicide but Allison tells her the father says someone else “had a hand” in his death, confirming what the family have thought all along. Why then, does the father not say who did it? The daughter is resigned that the person responsible for taking her father’s life will never be held accountable yet there is no statute of limitations on murder. Why is she just letting this go? Perhaps because Allison cannot give her the name because there is no spirit of her dead father? “It was a hit man.” That’s all she’s got. I am pretty sure 34 years in the afterlife is enough time to identify your murderer, even if you did not know him at the time of your death. Wouldn’t you think?

Chapter 6 - Angels of the Hospice

Allison at the Hospice:

• Allison and her mother visit Shari, who lies dying in the local hospice. She says all Shari can get out is the word “hot” to indicate she is thirsty. Allison’s mother decides it would be a great idea to put bright pink lipstick on Shari (who cannot indicate whether or not she actually wants bright pink lipstick) to show her love “her” way, because Allison’s mother “has always been very aware of appearance.” I keep looking for the part where Allison says Shari was equally appearance-conscious, but I never find it.
• Allison says, “I wanted to walk into each room and hold the dying who had no visitors and let them know they’re not invisible and remind them that they’re still here.” But she didn’t. So what is the purpose of telling us this? We all want to do that but very few people actually do. Allison would have impressed me had she actually done it. Simply mouthing the sentiment to make herself look good is revolting.

Did you know “spirits seem to have an electric energy that can manipulate electronic items”? That is why spirits so often use radios to send their love by having it play their special song. So, that means if you call the radio station you will be able to confirm that song was NOT on the playlist and thereby confirm spiritual manipulation? Great! How much you want to bet no one has ever done this and, if they have, the song was most definitely on the playlist. And don’t tell me it was a last-minute inspiration by the DJ and THAT was manipulated by the spirit because Allison says it is the electronic box the spirit is manipulating. She did not say anything about spirits manipulating people.

Allison on living well (again):

• Allison urges people to live life to its fullest and be kind to others. (Duh.)
• Allison urges people to think more of yourself and less of what others think of you. (Double duh.)

I just reread the title of this chapter. Who is “angels of the hospice” supposed to represent? If she is referred to herself and her bright pink lipstick-applying mother, I think I am going to vomit.

Chapter 7 - The Hard Questions

Allison tells us people on the other side remain available for a medium to communicate with as long as there is someone alive with whom they have an emotional connection. “The deceased mostly remain to comfort the living.”

Allison on murder:

• “People who are murdered do not roam the earth unsettled.”
• Allison provides instruction for breathing, meditation, and visualization exercises to help your dead loved one remove your guilt and pain and replace it with their love.

Allison on suicide:

• A person who commits suicide does not “go to hell.” Allison tells us this “for the record.” Do you think she would swear on a stack of bibles? Would it hold up in court?
• Allison grants that religion tells you differently but she has seen it for herself so we should believe her instead.

Allison on her dinner with a Catholic priest:

• The Church no longer holds that God will punish you if you commit suicide. Suicides no longer go to hell. (She neglected to provide the date of this policy change.)
• She asked the priest for the definition of false prophets and received: “people who pretend to predict or pretend to communicate with the dead” [emphasis Allison’s.] The priest confirms the Church acknowledges mystics do exist so she extrapolates that to mean it is only “people who aren’t what they claim to be that are “false.”" I can only guess she is providing this information to somehow validate herself and demonstrate she is not a false prophet. But no matter what definition you choose, it all comes back to that pesky “proof” thing.

Allison on religion:

• Allison slams a Jewish rabbi for having “negative energy” because he did not believe in three professed mediums he appeared with on Larry King Live. She then says, “As far as religion goes, how is it so different when a medium asks to be believed, in that we can see something that may not be visible to all others? When you hold our reality next to that of a man of religion who’s asking people to believe in a God that can’t be seen? It’s not so different. Both claims center around one’s belief and personal spiritual experiences. Both are leaps of faith.”
• Oh brother. I was wondering when someone would bring this up. If Allison does not understand the difference between someone believing in a higher power and someone believing in a fellow mortal who claims she can communicate with dead people, then she is much farther out there than I thought. Or is she? Could it be that Allison, being the savvy saleswoman that she is, realizes the inability of the faithful to logically explain their belief in a higher power brings them one step closer to believing in her?
• She goes on to say, “I’m not minimizing anyone’s religion. I’m just drawing an obvious comparison of the two faiths.” The faith in God versus the faith in Allison DuBois? How people can swallow her comparing herself and other purported mediums to God is beyond me. Are they not offended? I am not a religious person yet even I am offended.

Chapter 8 - A Little Wiser

• Allison condemns people who are skeptics for ruining the special experience some people have when they get a “reading” by making snide remarks when they return home afterwards. “If someone you care about feels alleviated of a burden thanks to a reading, why would you want to negate that feeling?”
• I almost bought that argument. Why intentionally make someone who is feeling good, feel bad? But then I remembered: does Allison not ruin the special experience Joe has in preparing a surprise for her by rubbing his face in the fact that she has figured it out Every. Single. Time? How is this not “stealing his thunder,” her own words describing what she feels some skeptics do to believers who come home gushing about a terrific reading? Does she truly not see her own contradictions? Are the editors of this book equally blind?

As you can see, I did not lie at the beginning of this post when I said I would tell you what I really think. I think Allison DuBois is a big fat fraud. I think Allison DuBois is a savvy business woman and no worse than televangelists and other religious leaders who tell people to send them money because God said so. (I think those people should burn in the Hell they preach about for all of eternity, in case you are not clear on what I meant by that last sentence.) I think Allison DuBois has told us all we need to know about her “gifts” by labeling herself a profiler. Profilers do not need whispers from the dead to gather vast amounts of information about people from the tiniest of clues and background information.

If you must read this book, please do what I did and get it from your free lending library.

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POSTED IN: Allison DuBois, Books